Desperate in Drag
by Raine Windwhisper
Summary: The new life of a Harry Potter character who hides in muggle London in drag to avoid capture from either side...


Dude Looks like a Lady. Song is by Aerosmith off of the Big Ones Album. Track 5. NOT MINE. Character is not mine. Only having fun making him a drag queen.

A/N What do you get when you cross Raine Windwhisper with insomnia?

Answer: A Harry Potter Character in DRAG! Muahhhh. **::dancing:: yes.. I am listening to the cd right now. **

He knew no one would recognize him. He knew that dressing like and living as a woman was the one way no one would find him. No Death Eaters. No Order. Safety. Complete and utter safety.

He laughed as he got another French manicure in a muggle nail salon. He smiled to himself as he tipped the manicurist well. She had no clue the lady she had just served was a he… at least he didn't think she did. He wasn't sure… He never was when he got odd looks.

Cruised into a bar on the shore 

He picture graced a grime on his door

She a long lost love at first sight

He wasn't laughing when he had to learn to walk in heels. Hell, he had almost broken an ankle. It had taken some time, but he finally managed. He was proud of his accomplishment. If he ever got out of this and could return to being his true self, he would never admit it. He could just see his buddies now, laughing him right out of his house at Hogwarts. "No," he decided, "That is definitely NOT an option." He concentrated on placing one foot just in front of the other. He noted that the effect was favorable as his hips swung seductively from side to side. He spent a whole hour shopping for a pair of ladies trousers that truly didn't make his butt look big. He was hard pressed to find one.

Dude looks like a Lady

Dude looks like a Lady

Dude looks like a Lady…

He laughed as he walked down the muggle street, swinging his hips to and fro. He laughed as a muggle man checked out his goodies. 'Yeah, you wish buddy,' he thought bitterly. He tried not to think about having to trade his one night romances for a pair of panty hose and a tube of lipstick. These thoughts made him depressed. He had been quite the ladies man. "NO, don't think about that. Think of Harry Potter naked…Harry Potter naked…Harry Potter naked… ah, that's the ticket."

He had found he immensely enjoyed long bubble baths. Especially with pink bubbles. This scared him a bit. Well, more than a bit really.

So never judge a book by its cover

Or who you gonna love by your lover

Love put me wise to her love in disguise 

Every day he carefully glued his long brunette wig into place. Every day he went through putting on makeup and padding all the right places.

Shaving his legs had been an experience. He had cut himself three times before realizing he could use his wand. He always had to make things harder than they really needed to be.

The first time he tried to put on panty hose, he had hopped, hopped, hopped around on one leg and eventually lost the battle with his balance and gravity.

Every morning he practiced his feminine look in the mirror, just to make sure he didn't look too much like himself. Every morning he looked for stray hairs in his eyebrows and made sure his chin had no stubble. "Don't know why this matters, I've seen plenty of women with moustaches…"

Back stage we're having the time 

Of our lives until somebody says

'Forgive me if I seem out of line'

Early on, before he had gotten his moves down, he had even gone to a muggle bar to better get the feel of how a muggle woman moved. He was promptly surprised by a tall blonde woman with an Adams apple and a deep voice throwing him out. "This is my turf, love, you'll do well to stay out of it." Make that a VERY deep voice.

He stuck to coffee shops and shopping centers after that. Never again did he go to that club. Or any other for that matter.

What a funky lady

Oh, she like it, like it, like it, like it

Oh, he was a lady

Draco looked in the mirror and satisfied his appearance was up to his high standards, he batted his eyes at a passer by and ducked quickly into his flat. Sighing, he took off his high heels, and threw his keys on the counter. He pulled off his wig and set it gingerly on the mannequin head in the hallway. Sinking heavily onto the couch, he conjured him self a cup of tea. Sipping it slowly, he was shocked to realize he was holding his pinky out. He hoped the war would be over soon.

Dude look like a lady!


End file.
